I don’t know what it is about relationships and me. I’ve had boyfriends that were not exactly perfect slices of heaven, if you know what I mean.
Jake was nice and cute guy from the same neighborhood I lived in. We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend. To make a long story short, he’d flatter me nearly to death and I fell for it. You see practically no one paid any attention to me before he did. Not the popular kids in school. Not the boys in the parties or any gathering for the matters.
That really bothered me. Modesty aside, I believe I don’t look so bad myself. But the truth of the matter was, I thought I wasn’t interesting enough for the people who were interesting to me. Until Jake came.
We’ve known each other since we were kids, but Jake and I never really paid any attention to each other until we were in high school. I liked him because he would always smile at me every morning before we left for our respective schools. We’d talk to the phone almost every night and he’d say good things about me. On weekends he’d come over to hang with my friends and me, or I’d go over to their house to help him with some homework or school project. The latter activity became more frequent. I developed a nagging suspicion he was just using me to do his school work for him, especially when I started delaying work on my own just so I could finish his. Of course, my instinct we’re right, but I refused to see it then. Somehow, I was able to convince myself that I was doing the dirty work for him because I loved him. I actually wanted to stop doing his homework and projects, but I didn’t want him to get mad at me or worse is to break up with me. Besides, I felt he was taking care of me—offering me merienda, cuddling me and showing me that he really appreciated my work.
But we eventually did break-up right before the school year ended. It was an unfair-lopside relationship, indeed. I felt so bad because the only guy who’d ever noticed me was gone.
Years later I met Tj. He wasn’t nearly that jock that Jake was but he was great anyway. He joked a lot but he wasn’t a jerk. He was sweet, caring, touchy-feely kind of guy. And yes, he made me feel like the most important person in the world. Big challenges came, he wanted in control. He said he did those because he loves me and I believed him.
Tj was really a nice and loving person and I didn’t want to lose him so I put up with his controlling nature. It was all for naught because after a couple of years he found someone else and left me I was distraught once again.
Looking back at those relationships make me feel like I’m reliving scenes from a bad teen movie. I know things were wrong, but I didn’t do anything about them because I thought I would die if anyone of those boys left me. I obviously didn’t die. And while break-up’s hurt, I got over them anyway.
nostalgic side of me... ♥ 