Naranasan mo na bang ma inlove sa taong kaibigan lang yung tingin sayo? Yung tipong isang tingin nya lang parang naririnig mo na yung tibok nang puso mo at kahit yung katabi mo ay rinig na rinig ito? kahit malayo pa sya eh naamoy mo na yung pabango nya? Nag eexpect ka na kakausapin ka, hahawakan yung kamay mo at sasabihan kang mahal ka din nya?
Nakakalito… Ang hirap mag assume na mahal ka din nang taong mahal mo. May mga tao kasing sadyang paasa. Yung bang feeling-close tsaka sasabihan ka na ‘parang kapatid lang kasi yung tingin ko sayo’ or di kaya ‘sa barkada walang talo-talo’ kaya nga binarkada mo para maging close kayo at heto po yung mas masakit ‘Makakakita ka din nang mas mahigit pa sa akin’ ano yun? Search?! Walang hiya siya, matapos ka nyang paasahin eh kung ano-anong dahilan yung sasabihin. Yung winiwish mo na sana hindi ka na lang niya kinausap, hindi na lang niya kinuha yung number mo or di kaya hindi mo na lang ito ibinigay, hindi mo inaccept yung friend request niya sa lahat nang social media kung saan siya active. Sana wala nang deeper relationship na nabuo kasi isa siyang malaking PAASA!
Masakit isipin na despite na gaano mo kabuti sa taong ito, maghahanap pa nang iba, titingin pa sa iba, magkikipag close pa sa iba. Minsan akala mo siya na yung taong para sayo, yun pala maling mali ka. Hindi mo kayang mabuhay na wala siya pero siya kayang kaya niya. Nagsimula kayong magkaibigan magtatpos kayo na parang wala lang nangyari, bale wala yung pinagsamahan, bale wala kasi para sa kanya kaibigan ka lang. Masakit. Sobrang sakit pero wala kang magagawa kundi magparaya dahil masarap naman sa loob na makita siyang masaya kahit iba na yung kasama. Masarap pero sobrang sakit. Kaya find ways to move on, be with great people. Find your niche. Be yourself.
To the man who handles my mood swings,
I was never born perfect, I always think I was born worst than any other women I know. I change my mood in a single snap. Sometimes because of work or pressure but most of the time because of hormones. I easly get irritated. I get bored and these makes me crazy. Really crazy.
Lately, I’ve been dating this guy who understands my imperfections. He seems to be really patient. He prays when I’m starting to bombard him with words that are below the belt. He is someone who is willing to lower his pride just to make me feel good. He never shout at me in return. He is doing everything for me to feel secured. He never make me jealous. I heared a lot of complements from him. He wakes me up every morning just to tell me how much he loves me. For this I feel blessed.
I think of reasons why relationship needs to end up hurtfully? If things not meant to be fixed, why can't two people just sit down talk and end everything well with encouraging words rather than saying something that would crash both parties. It is deliberately not helpful on means of moving forward.
Think of the best reason why you have to save the relationship. If that reason is worth a second try, grab it. If it's no then it has to STOP.
Lately, I've been buggling when my Ex called and asked me for some quiet talk. I was hesitant at first if I'll answer the call. We've been apart for around 4 years. We drop eachother messages when there is special occasion but aside from that I heard nothing from him. And now he is calling? For what reason? On my confusion after how may missed calls I decided to answer. The awkward feeling was there. I don't know exactly what to utter. It was mixed of emotions. I wanted to cry when he told me things I never imagine I would hear from him. Words I waited from him to say 3 years ago. Plans he created in his mind without even consulting. Plans he made I think only for himself. It's not mutual. Never mutual. God knows I tried my very best not to utter harsh words. He says every detail he wants. I listen. But it seems like I hear nothing. I was in dismay. I bit my lips. I rub my hand. I close my eyes. I hold my heart. Nothing left I felt for him. No special beating.
Then I realize everything needs timing. Things and words needs Timing. And now is not the right time. It's too late. I moved on. I let go. I made new plans. And I'm happy about it. Letting go was a tough decision. battling to a memory I treasure for years was never easy. I waited. I got tired. People come, People go. I've dated once or twice after him. And now I'm with someone I could say I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I see God in different perspective. I pray and there I ended everything with Goodbye.
I couldn’t barely recall those times when I think of play. A day where it is filled with extraordinary bonding time with friends. A night wherein I just have 10 minutes to prepare for a bar hopping, settled in a bottle of beer with the beat of loud music and people just dancing till dawn. A morning hangover. I managed my time with work and andventures. I munch in couple of restaurants in a day. I live within my reach. I stumble and fall. I crave and I eat. Sleeping on long hours.
That was me before I realized that life isn’t just about having fun. I have to make extra extra extra effort to do things for a living. I never imagine life would be just eat-sleep-work. A process where in adjustment should be made, thoughts should be put into place and prepare for an everyday encounter of risk, changes and diversities of events.
Work, duties, responsibilities are given to us adults to mold and make us ready to whatever challenges that might come our way. For that. Challenge accepted!
I was sitting here just tired from an 8 hours shift thinking its been 2 months since my last update and it’s seems like for years.
Nothing much to say except of some changes in my environment and the unusual crazy feeling of home sickness. I haven’t cried since the day I left my home town. I haven’t even opened up to anyone how I feel on my first day in a strange place where in I decided to spend the 2 years of my life with people I merely know. Those people who will guide and teach me how to live and survive in a place where culture is distinct from mine.
I always think I could barely adjust and I think twice, Now I belong.